Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
