Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
