he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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