next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
