Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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