just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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