its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize