Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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