We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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