He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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