I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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