It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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