we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
