So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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