So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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