Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
