you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
