I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think people are normalizing furries
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize