ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
