I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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