I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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