when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
