there was a trapeze. enough said
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
