it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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