Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
