My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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