I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she told me i tasted like america
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
