We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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