if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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