And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
