she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
