Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
