i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
