morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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