fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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