my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He passed out mid-signature
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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