i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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