just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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