Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
