your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
