I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize