i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
