so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
