It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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