Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
