um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
