Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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