OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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