Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
