Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
