There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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