All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to sanitize my soul.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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