Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
