im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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