another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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