I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
id be glad to
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
