Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
