is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize