I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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