I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
