Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize