Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
