We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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