And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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