isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
