The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize