I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
