Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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