I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
