well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
too bad you live with your parents still
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
