I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
